A Long Way From Life
by TheSkysTheNight
Summary: A girl named Alison remembers her past as she is torn between comitting suicide or trying to stay alive and suffer after her boyfriend Aaron "supposibly" breaks up with her. I own the characters in this story.


A Long Way from Life

****Author's Note:** **_No, I had no help with this story. I didn't not use any books, do any research, anything else. This is all from my own experiences, but is not based on my "life story". I believe that real-life experiences are the best way to learn so that's why I chose not to research. This story is completely fiction. It is also my first Fanfiction story. I know it's short and has no chapters. Sorry, guys. I don't like dividing my stories into chapters, really. _

_****Caution to Readers:** **__This story may be graphic to some for some-what graphic, violent scenes and language. The worst word is the f-bomb and I believe it is only used once or twice. Again, sorry but I feel it is appropriate for this story. I'm open to suggestions on anything you'd like me to change. Hope you guys like it! _

She comes home from school, goes straight up to her room, and starts to cry. She just missed ONE day of school and the whole school goes haywire. When she comes back, gossip starts. All about how her boyfriend broke up with her.

_What are they talking about?_ She wonders. _He never said anything to me…_

She tries to text him but he doesn't reply. She tries to send him a message on facebook. Of corse, no reply.

_Why does he do this to me? _She thinks.

She blast on heavy metal music. Disturbed, to be exact. She cries and screams but nobody hears her. Her cries are unheard. They're in the white noise to everybody else's' ears.

She turns around towards her bed and violently flips the mattress off the bed. There, lied all the things she desired more than anything at the moment: a razor blade, new and sharpened to the tip, a bottle of water, two bottles of Advil, a lighter, a switchblade, and of corse, some vodka.

She wonders if she should go all the way this time. Let the pain win her over, let the impulse _embrace _and _persuade _itself into her mind. Let it eat her whole. She picks the razor blade up and stares at it. There's already dried blood stained onto the metal from previous impulses.

_Have I used this before? It says stainless steel but they must have lied. My blood has __**obviously **__stained this metal. Maybe it's not so new… Perhaps I was drunk when I used this blade. It numbs the pain quite well actually. _She presumes.

"Should I?" she question aloud to herself. "Who will really care?"

Her answer is given quite obviously as the silence stares her in the face.

She feels the fury rise up inside her, bubbling to the surface. She feels like a video game player who has lost control and gone on rampage mode. Gripping the blade tightly in her palms, it digs deep into her skin. Not like she noticed.

"I can't believe I fell for you," she mutters to nobody. She's thinking of him again. Blood splatters onto the carpet floor like rain on the sidewalk. It's too late for her. The blade is biting deep into her palm now. When she finally looks down and notices the puddle of blood, she sighs. The blade is embedded into her skin. Doesn't panic or get sick at the sight of her own blood. If fact, it made her chuckle.

"I can't believe how hard I've fallen because of you. You're dead to me, as well as I'm dead to myself," she stutters through her gritted teeth.

She studies her arms. Scars are everywhere. Forward, sideways, diagonal, just all over. Then she stops at his initials. She starts at the two initials for quite some time before covering it up with her bloody hand. When she pulled her hand away, she saw that the initials that were once there were covered up. She grinned widely.

"I hate you," she mutters.

She looks back up at the wall and sees her pictures with him. When she sees them, she looks at how happy she was with him. She's smiling a full-tooth grinned. It was hard for anybody to do that. They'd be lucky to get even a half smile. How the hell could he pretend to like her this whole time? Put on an act and make her smile like that. Without her noticing?

_Never again. _

As she walked to tare the pictures off the wall, she felt her fists ball up tightly. Suddenly, she didn't have tearing up the picture in her mind. She wanted to _**pulverize **_it. Her fist connected with the wall and she heard a light crack and the wall was dented in a little bit. But that wasn't enough. She wailed onto the wall until her hands were numb and soaked with blood. The wall was destroyed. All she could see was blood painted drywall. She growled deep in her throat thinking:

_That's only __**ONE **__picture._

She tore the rest of them off and put them in a metal box. Then, she digs deep in her pockets and pulls out her Zippo lighter, ignites it, and throws it in with the pictures.

As she sits there watching the ashes fly up into the air, she pulls out her razor blade. She wished that the ashes would reach her and cause her to burst into flames. Knowingly, that wouldn't happen. She had to always do everything herself.

She sticks the razor blade onto her wrist. The skin was so soft there; it can be sliced through so easily. Kind of like tearing a sheet of paper in a sense. She looks down and pushes the blade harder, making a dome onto her skin. She pauses for a second and then rakes the razor blades across her wrist, letting it run deep into her skin.

As she pulled the blade away, her skin stayed pale for a second. It was so ghostly pale on the inside of her skin; it almost looked like a light blue. Then the skin filled up with blood. The outer skin around the cuts was turning a light pink and blood quickly poured out of the cuts.

She couldn't stop there though. There wasn't enough blood spilled to make her happy. Then again, there never would be enough.

She continues to follow the razor blade around her wrist; all 360 degrees. She did it over and over, around and around. Of corse it never really hurt her. Not the way that _**HE**_ did. Nobody ever could hurt her that much ever again. Her mental pain always overcame the physical. That's basic knowledge. She never once let out a cry as she went deeper and deeper. She remained silent.

She listened silently to the sound of her blood splattering onto the floor. She didn't have any reason to be here anymore and she knew that. She started to feel dizzy and grabbed the bottle of water and pills.

_Somewhere they'll never find me, where I can lay forever. Hopefully, at peace. To finally be where I wanted to be. Dead. Won't really matter anyway. They won't come looking for me._

She snatched up some blankets, moved her bedpost, and squeezed herself into the tight corner of her room. She curled herself in the blankets and sucked down all the pills with the water. She sat for quite some time in silence. The lights were fading in and out and she just looked at her arms, picking and digging at the scabbed initials in her arm. She thinks about him as sighs.

She used to want to have him come and save her from her committing suicide, but now, she didn't want to be saved. The lights continued to fade as she remembered when she was a kid when her teacher asked:

_What do you want to be when you grow up? _And she answered:

_Dead._

She remembers her "father". She was never positive that was even her true father and oh, the hell he put her through was unbearable to any other human. She felt so powerful to overcome _**HIM**_ but she felt so weak when she got left by her boyfriend. So used. Just like her "father" made her feel. Like a broken toy that a child never wanted to have.

No matter if she lived through this suicide attempt, things would never be the same. She would get worse as time went on. People would then realize that it was better for her to be dead in the first place. That there is no help to fix her. She is broken and unfixable.

Her heart was racing in her chest. Her room was fading in and out every five seconds. She knew she wasn't going to last much longer in the battle and she would gladly surrender.

She feels a draft of hot air blow at her and uses her strength to pull the blanket up. A piece of burnt paper found its way to her. She picks it up and looks at it. The paper is burnt well but there's writing on the back and she suddenly remembers what the paper fully said:

_Alison, I hope you keep this picture of me and you forever. Even if we break up because it will remind you of when you were once truly happy. You are so difficult to figure out in other people's eyes but in mine, I see you are a strong, independent, beautiful, and most of all, sexy woman. I know you've been through hell and back and please, spare me the details. I love you so much and I hope that even if we decide somewhere down the road that we won't work out as a couple, then we can at least be friends. You are a strong person and even if you think differently, you have influenced my life so much and I know, sometimes I can be an asshole and ignore you but I'm still thinking about you, even then. You're always on my mind and no matter what, I'll always love you and only you. God, if I lost you over something or someone stupid, there'd be hell to pay. So, so much hell to pay. I love you always and forever. Yours truly, Aaron._

When she turns the picture around, she sees his face. His eyes that look black in the picture. She always knew that wasn't the case. His eyes were a dark brown that when shadowed; they were basically a black hole that never had an end. His air was exactly the same color. Her face is mostly burned out but she can see some of hers. Pale and slender. Her hair was a straightened, light blonde in this picture. Now it looked like a dark brown and it pretty much looked like a bird had made a nest in her hair. Her cheek is what's left of her face. A skin colored scar travels across her cheek. She tried not to cry as she remembered the night she got it.

_Mom and Dad were screaming in the kitchen. I was trying to block it out by playing with my doll and pulled my pink pillow over my ears. It just kept getting louder and louder. Soon I got so angry that I threw my doll across the room and ripped my pillow open. I flung open my door and stormed into the kitchen. Mom and Dad didn't even notice that I was standing there with my fists clenched. Their screaming was ringing in my ears. _

"_UGH! STOP SCREAMING!" I yelled out._

"_What? Who in the fuck do YOU think you're talking to, little girl?" My "father" shouted back._

_I looked into his eyes. They were blazing. His eyes were a crystal blue but were both rimmed and bloodshot. Foam was at the corners of his mouth. He was drunk… _

_There was nothing for me to do but cower. I stood nothing compared to him. I was suddenly even more scarred when he grabbed my mother by her hair and pulled her so their noses were touching._

"_Who in the hell does that little __**MONSTER**__ think she's talking to? It better __**NOT**__ have been me."_

"_I-.. I don't kn-know w-who…" Of corse, my mother stood a coward as well._

_He then let her go and went into the kitchen. I stood there in shock, not knowing what to do. He picked up a dish and inspected it. I could see my reflection within that glass plate and I think he could too. I stood there in that plate, trembling in fear. I looked like I had been standing outside in the snow for days. I could hear whimpering softly coming out of my mouth. _

"_The dishes aren't even…. DONE!" I watched as the plate was hurled towards me. I can't remember if I moved out of the way or just stood there shivering… I just heard the plate smash onto the ground and I felt a sharp pain on the side of my cheek. I winced in pain and gripped my cheek in both hands. I felt something wet and warm find its way to webs in my fingers and start to weep out. When I looked, I saw that my hands were covered in blood. Oh god, the pain was torture. I didn't know if I should cry or scream, so instead I screamed and cried in pain. I stared in horror at my hands. I didn't know whether I should just stand there and wait for my parents to do anything or run somewhere. My parents…_

_When I looked up, "Dad" was already halfway out the back door with another beer in his hands and a blunt. All I heard as he was leaving was:_

"_Bitch got what she deserved."_

_My mom on the other hand, stared at me in a trance. I could hear more and more blood dripping onto the floor._

"_Mom…"_

"_Baby… Oh god, come here. I'm so sorry. Shh… It'll be okay. Let's get you in the bath and get that cleaned up. We'll see what the damage is, huh?"_

She then thought:

_Yeah, well the damage was an emergency visit to the hospital, where Mom told them that a glass vase fell off a shelf and the glass ricocheted off the floor and got me in the face. They quickly got me stitched up and what's done is done. Hence, the scar that will forever be on my face and remind me of him._

She tried not to cry but the tears streamed down her face. They spilled quickly and she felt weird. She hadn't cried in a long time. She rubbed the scar on her face and the wetness soak into her fingers. As she felt the soft smooth texture of the scar, she looked at Aaron in the picture.

Her vision was starting to fade. She wouldn't know if her hearing was gone already or not because there was no noise to distract her. The darkness was slowly taking her over and part of her wanted to fight back but knew that there would be no point. She was too weak to fight, so she willingly fell into the darkness. Jumped into the deep dark abyss head on. She was ready to fight any monsters that were keeping her away from her forever peaceful sleep. She gripped the picture with the strength she had left and softly closed her eyes.

The last thing she thought as she stared at his picture:

_I still love you._

_****Author's Ending Note:** **__Ok, so from you guys, I need you to tell me if you think I should make a sequel to this story. I was planning if I were to make a sequel, then it would be about Aaron's life after Alice's suicide. That, OR I could make a sequel where she survives because Aaron comes into the window and finds her… all hard decisions in my mind… Too complex. So… what do you guys think? Comment and let me know your opinions!_ _(:_


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